Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Recovery happens in stages

Recovery issues might include:

1.) Grieving
- Stage 1: Identifying our losses
- Stage 2: Learning to grieve
- Stage 3: Grieving past losses
- Sign of recovering: Grieving current losses

2.) Neglecting our own needs
- Stage 1: Recognize that we have needs
- Stage 2: Identify what those needs are
- Stage 3: Begin to get our needs met
- Sign of recovering: Getting our needs met on a regular basis

3.) Being over-responsible for others
- Stage 1: Identifying boundaries
- Stage 2: Clarifying what our personal boundaries are
- Stage 3: Learning to set limits
- Sign of recovering: Being responsible for self, with clear boundaries

4.) Control issues
- Stage 1: Recognize what the control issues are
- Stage 2: Sort through what you can and cannot control
- Stage 3: Let go of some things, take responsibility for others
- Sign of recovering: Achieving more of a balance

5.) All-or-nothing thinking
- Stage 1: Recognize that it's there, and that it is a problem
- Stage 2: Consider possibilities of middle ground

6.) Trust issues
- Stage 1: Realize the importance of trusting
- Stage 2: Trusting selectively
- Stage 3: Learning to trust safe people
- Sign of recovering: Trusting appropriately

7.) High tolerance for inappropriate behavior
(often linked with dependence issues)

- Stage 1: Question what is appropriate and what is not
- Stage 2: Define what you will and will not put up with
- Stage 3: Learn to set limits
- Sign of recovering: Being able to set boundaries with others

8.) Fear of abandonment
- Stage 1: Acknowledge that we have been neglected or abandoned
- Stage 2: Talk through those emotions with a safe, trustworthy person
- Stage 3: Work through emotions and learn safe attachment within a caring community
- Sign of recovering: Willing to take the risk to open your heart to another person

9.) Difficulty handling and resolving conflict
- Stage 1: Define the conflict; put it into words
- Stage 2: List the roadblocks to conflict resolution
- Stage 3: Attempt conflict resolution
- Sign of recovering: Conflict resolution, or agreeing to disagree

*Source: Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self by Charles Whitfield, M. D.


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