Excellent Webinar on Effectively Communicating With Teenagers

Ryan Dowd of the Homeless Training Institute is one of my favorite trainers. 

Here's a link to the workbook, and here's a link to register for this free pre-recorded training. I could do without the word "ornery," but the material is on point. 

Color-coded Conflict Strategies

Resources from Finding Hope Consulting, Inc.

“The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be able to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love.”
- Dr. Bruce Perry

“There’s A Hole In My Sidewalk: Autobiography In Five Short Chapters” 
~ Portia Nelson adapted by Finding Hope Consulting Inc. 

Chapter I 
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in. I am lost … I am helpless.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II 
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III 
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV 
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V 
I walk down another street.

You aren't at the mercy of your emotions — your brain creates them

The TED Talk that I chose for my personal and professional growth was:

Lisa Feldman Barrett’s TED Talk re: “You aren't at the mercy of your emotions — your brain creates them.”
I chose this because I’m a gal who struggles with anxiety and perfectionism.

Here are my Top Five Takeaways:

1.) The emotions we experience are “guesses” that our brain constructs in the moment, based on experiences that we had in the past. We have more control over these guesses than we might think we do. She said that, “Sometimes we are responsible for something not because we are to blame, but because we are the only ones who can fix it.”

2.) Our brains have a default mode that starts with “What is this most like in my past experience?”  It makes great sense logically that our brain uses past experiences with similar situations to generate meaning and make predictions.

3.) Predictions are primal - and they help us make sense of the world in a speedy and efficient way. The link between what we are experiencing in the moment, and what this looked like in the past is something that happens in the blink of an eye. Our brains are hard-wired to repurpose raw emotions into proactive action.

4.) She gave the example of students getting ready to take a test: A hammering heartbeat could lead to crippling anxiety, or that adrenaline could be galvanized into proactive action. Responding to anxious feelings in the moment by taking energized determination; which then seeds the brain to respond differently in the future. She said that, “This is an example of emotional intelligence in action.”

5.) She talked about “Being the architect of your experience” and how new knowledge can be provided to help provide a better picture (i.e. image of blobs vs. image of snake). She said that there are ways to cultivate emotional intelligence and use it in everyday life. She said she wasn’t suggesting a Jedi mind trick, but rather, “The next time you feel intense distress: Could this have a physical cause? Is there a way to reframe emotional distress as possibly due to physical discomfort?”

And then the TED talk was over. And my immediate primal response in that moment was, “Lisa Feldman Barrett, you just stopped talking right when you got to the good part.”  Fortunately, her book is available as an e-book on Overdrive, so I just checked it out!

Trauma and COVID-19

Executive Function and Self-Regulation

According to Harvard University's Center on the Developing Child:


1.) Executive functioning is referred to as the "air traffic control mechanism of the brain," because it helps us to:

• Filter out distractions in order to plan, prioritize tasks, set and achieve goals
• Focus attention on multiple streams of information at the same time
• Switch gears when needed and revise plans as necessary

We have to be able to work effectively with others, amid distractions and multiple demands. Mastering these skills helps children grow up and contribute to society. Without having executive functioning, children might be able to list rules for behavior, but not put them into practice.

2.) Executive function and self-regulation skills depend on three types of brain function:

1. Working memory: Governs our ability to retain and manipulate distinct pieces of information over short periods of time. For example: After sharing an item and getting it back again, a child has to remember what they were doing with that item in the first place.
2. Inhibitory-control: Enables us to set priorities and resist impulsive actions or responses (also called self control). For example: To share, a child has to be able to stop what they are doing and give the other child a turn.
3. Mental flexibility: Helps us to sustain or shift attention in response to different demands or to apply different rules in different settings. For example: If a child shares a toy, and the other child does something unpredictable, you have to be able to adjust what you are going to do next. 

3.) Children aren't born with these skills, and need outside support to develop them. This is especially true if a child grows up in an environment of toxic stress, neglect, abuse or violence.

• Children who are struggling in these capacities often look like they either aren't paying attention or are deliberately not controlling themselves. 
• The risk is that a child who doesn't have this skill set might "act out," be put in a "time out," miss out on learning and fall further behind. 
• Which then makes the child upset and even more likely to struggle in the future (downward spiral)

4.) Way to help children build these skills include:

• Scaffolding helps children practice necessary skills before they must perform them alone (similar to going to the gym, practicing these skills helps to develop them)
• Adults can create an environment to help by establishing routines, modeling social behavior, and creating and maintaining supportive, reliable relationships
• Children can exercise their developing skills  through creative play, social interaction, stress management, and self-direction

5.) Self-regulation includes both intentional and automatic brain processes to help us draw upon the right skills at the right time, manage our responses to the world, and resist inappropriate responses:

• Automatic self-regulation is an rapid, impulse-directed response  that is needed for urgent or threatening situations (often referred to as the fight or flight response)
• Intentional self-regulation is a conscious, deliberate, thoughtful and proactive response needed for achieving goals. 

Additional quote:

• "We know that early childhood is a critical time for the brain, when connections are being made that become the foundation for a child’s future health, learning, and behavior. Adolescence is also a vital “window of opportunity” for building core life skills—and for practitioners to provide support." 
• "Slowly but surely, you're going to step back, and that child is going to go into the world with these skills." 

Feelings Wheel: Moving Beyond Primal Emotions

Click to enlarge image

I recently learned about this tool during an Emotional Poverty training.

Our basic human emotions are primal, and based on survival and biology.

The Feelings Wheel is a simple chart, with different levels of color-coded emotions, created to empower individuals to move beyond primal emotion, and more clearly identify what they are thinking and feeling.

Here's a printable version, created for individuals to map out their current emotions, and a color-coded version.